Hi! i am now 25 years and a month old.I am in a relationship with him since i was sixteen.Feelings for him hasn't changed yet.but i realized his feelings has changed. He is my first priority in my phone.As soon as i am free from my training i suppose to call him every time before i go to home.because even in my home,the priority changes. the household chores, environment in home isn't often suitable for us to talk freely with each other, even i don't like to talk to him when i am around my family friends .i cant find space to talk to him.i find my self some space, go to an empty room or get out of home for few minutes just to catch him up in phone.i hoped he understood me .But for now , i haven't been able to understand .in the morning he is in rush to reach office,so there is no way to talk on that time.And bankers don't get single seconds free while they are on work.I use to wait for his call in between 5 pm to 6 pm ,that's when his office time is over.And i wish to receive his call.But usually its me who is calling him often,and in the time when i wait for his,i don't get his call and he ends up in his home while i call him after waiting for an hour.

i feel ignored,hurt and alone.i wish i could catch up with my friends and ignore him too.i have put his numbers in the block list.i think i must be independent and don't seek for his time and attention.Walking in roads alone ,i search for friends who can i talk comfortably.But those hundreds of friends in my friend list in my facebook are not the one who can understand me .And even i cant even open up to them.May be i have lots of free time due to covid 19 lockdown.God! i wish i become busy as i was before.I dont like to be alone.

i am scared

i am loosing my self

feeling of loosing my world

they say you will have a new world with your life partner    

please don't misunderstand me 

i am just scared of the situations life has brought in my life

i am not ready for the changes 

i am really scared to loose my mom's hug

i know this is social norms and value

being a girl i have never stayed apart from my mom dad my brother not even in a hostel

and imagining a new life without them its devastating feeling 

oh my dear its OK if you don't understand  but atleast don't misunderstand me 

Mero prem patra

Subhaprabhat mero priya jeewan sathi
Subhaprabhat sunaulo din ko kamana  sangai
Subhaprabhat naya  Josh ra umanga ko lagi
Subhaprabhat cha feri hamro  premko  naya  bihani  ko lagi
Timi sanga bitayeka  mitha pal haru
Jhaljhali ayirakheka chan mera ankha ma jhai  mitha sapana
timi sanga euta chana Muni angalo ma badhera basne ho mero chahana
Bihana Jaba ankha kholu taba timlai nai dekhu ma sarwapratham
Rat jaba chaye timro angalo ma badhi mitha sapana dekhu vai timro prem ma atmasamparpan
Mera kalpana jhan mitha chan herana
Khusi chaucha yesle mero man ma
Tara sath euta tadpan pani huncha mitho timro avas pani ani bisalu timro avab pani
Timro harek sparsa lai samayeko chu  mero yad ma
Na Chinna  kasaile sakcha timlai ma dekhi tadha
Ankha ko gahirai ma baseko chau bas gari
Prem sambhanda hamro bich cha dherai Gadha

The streets are Empty but  ain't our hearts
Full of Hopes these black days will leave us soon
Just like the sun when shines , the dark night leaves us with the memory of moon
Heartly salute to the the great professions pursuers
The doctors,nurses,army and police officers
If wishes made were to be fulfilled
Oh my dear brothers,sisters and my all human family
A heart felt condolence to the thousand of them who were killed
 fast recoveries to the one who are suffered through this evil
Let's follow strict preventives and  through soap washout the devil.